Back in the Saddle Again

by fiber-musings

Well, it’s been awhile. And admittedly, if I was a good blogger, I would have warned my lovely readers of this six month hiatus. However, that would imply that my absense was planned…. which it wasn’t.

After nearly 42 weeks of pregnancy, (read it and weep ladies…42!!!!)- Kyle and I welcomed our sweet baby BOY into the world last March. He was a big, beautiful 10lb 5oz baby (and I say again… read it and weep), who has rocked our world in the best possible way.

Baby E

The past six months have been a beautiful whirlwind. I worked right up to the birth, putting in a full day at the office Friday and then riding the bus in to the hospital Monday. Yep, the bus, one of the few perks of being induced was the ability to have a nice quiet brunch with the hubster and then hop on the #3 bus all the way to the hospital thus avoiding the ridiculous hospital parking rates. I had hoped to avoid being induced, but nothing seemed to coax sweet Baby E into the world. (Including a four mile walk followed by spicy Thai curry on the weekend prior to his birth). In the end, it truly didn’t matter. We left the hospital with the greatest little miracle either of us had ever experienced.

Baby E

Kyle took two weeks of paternity leave and I was able to take six weeks of maternity leave before heading back to the office. The time flew. I recall feeling like I was just getting into the swing of things at the end of maternity leave and I was devastated to leave my baby and return to work. I was starting back three days per week and was expected to work up to full time within a month of my initial return. I wept every time I breastfed for the two days prior to leaving Baby E. On the morning of my return I cried all the way to the office and had to pull myself together in the stairwell before entering. My fellow employees greeted me joyfully: “So good to have you back!”…. “How is the baby!?”…. “Welcome back, are you getting any sleep?” I smiled and said that it was good to be back but I didn’t feel that way. It wasn’t until I ran into our wonderful do-it-all maintenance man in the back room that found someone who understood. He frowned when he saw me…. “Oh no, so soon?” I nodded and teared up, he hugged me while I cried quietly.

I’d be lying if I said that there was nothing good about going back to work. It felt good to pull myself together each day and get dressed for the office. I enjoyed the luxury of drinking a full cup of coffee without interruption… and while it was still hot to boot! It was wonderful to communicate in full sentences, to be challenged by colleagues, to have a creative outlet and to catch up with my team members who I truly cared about. However there was one big problem- My priorities had shifted in ways that I never could have imagined and in an office of passionate driven designers I found that I didn’t have the same motivation that I used to. I was constantly wishing that I could be with Baby E. This was not fair to my colleagues and it was not the right for my family. After many discussions with my husband and with my boss I made a very hard decision to leave the work force and stay home with my baby. There will be new challenges and there will be many things that I miss about being a part of the workforce, but for me and my family this was the right decision. Ultimately I wound up working for three months at the office. I gave a long notice to try to help out my team and I am still working on a contract basis from home to help them wrap up a few projects, but I am officially going to be a stay at home mom. It is with great appreciation for my husband and with great respect for all working moms that I say this. My three months at the office made me awestruck at how hard working moms work and how diligent they have to be to maintain balance. (You rock ladies!) And I never would have been able to do this without the immense support of my husband Kyle, who over the past six months has shown me a compassionate and patient side that I have not fully seen previously.

So here I am. 100% focused on being wife and mama, 100% excited for this new adventure, and 100% looking forward to sharing it with you. I come back to this blog with a rejuvenated desire for sharing not only my creative passions but my new perspectives on motherhood.

Baby E

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